4-17-2009

4-17-2009

“Marcus, the body can take damn near anything.  It’s the mind that needs training.”  Can you cope with unfairness, that much of a setback?  And still come back with your jaw set, still determined, and swearing to God you will never quit?  That’s what we are looking for.” 

I have established a “Caring Bridge” web site at which anyone interested can access my weekly updates.  I will have information on how to access that site posted on the Holmes website News Flash section for anyone who may be interested.


I started off the fifth inning with my 7:00 am lab draws at the Cancer Center.  Dr. Anderson, Dr. Clayman and my “surrogate mother,” nurse Peggy met to discuss my progress.  We discussed the fact that my neck and throat tumors continue to diminish in size, and are flattening and softening which is all positive.  I asked the doctors where I stood with regard to reaching my goal of being cancer free and they shared that we will not be able to determine that until roughly three months after treatment when they run my next PET scan to determine if I still have cancer cells in my body.  Then, there will be approximately a five year window to see if it returns in a similar or different form.  Just as in baseball, I have to be patient and take it one pitch and one inning at a time with each day providing a fresh and positive opportunity to get the most out of that day.  We also discussed the symptoms I am experiencing and both Dr.’s Anderson and Clayman and I agreed to put off the PEG tube for food intake for at least another week.  I shared it is my goal to fight through the swallowing issues and throat pain so that I can maintain the use of my neck, throat and tongue muscles.  We all agreed to allow that to happen unless I continue to lose more weight and risk dehydration.  The doctors shared that only 5% of their patients make it without a Food PEG, so I shared I would bet them I could, but that betting in baseball on the “Home Team” is not allowed. You could ask Pete Rose about that!!  Therefore, we made a gentleman’s agreement to proceed without implanting the PEG for now.


I have chosen to continue to read to find strength, as well as count on the numerous acts of kindness and messages I have received from all of you.  I am holding up emotionally, mentally and spiritually as I described in my earlier “Game Plan”.  The physical part has had its ups and downs, so I found a quote that has inspired me this week from Marcus Luttrell in his novel “Lone Survivor”.  Marcus is a US Navy Seal who has written this book to share his story of survival while training as a US Navy Seal and in turn, his deployment along with three other “teammates” to Afghanistan to capture a lead terrorist in the War on Terror.  My father is a Marine Corps Veteran from the Korean War who survived the “Chosen Few” Reservoir experience there, and my oldest son John is currently a Federal Agent with the elite BORSTAR Unit of the US Border Patrol.  Both have been through similar training and experiences, so it helps motivate me to battle my issues with the same “mental toughness” each of them have displayed.


Marcus Luttrell asked his Instructor, a man who was respectfully referred to by his first name, “Reno” about some of the harsh training strategies employed by the Navy Seals… Reno’s reply has stuck with me… He responded:  “Marcus, the body can take damn near anything.  It’s the mind that needs training.”  Can you cope with unfairness, that much of a setback?  And still come back with your jaw set, still determined, and swearing to God you will never quit?  That’s what we are looking for.” 
Instructor Reno also provided some relevant information for me with regard to caring for my body during these times and how it parallels the rigorous training the Seals had to endure…
“The mantra was simple-you take care of your body like the rest of your gear.  Keep it well fed and watered, between one and two gallons a day.  Start no discipline without a full canteen.  That way, your body will take care of you when you begin to ask serious questions of it.  Because there is no doubt that in the coming months, you will be asking serious questions of it!”


I plan to take Instructor Reno’s advice, staying mentally tough and determined, while never quitting and keeping my “canteen full” before the start of each inning in this game! Remember, take each day one at a time, and do your best to make it productive!


The score after 5 complete innings of play is Home Team 5, Visitors 0.
Finish out the year strong!
Love and miss you all!