Reflections from the Home Team, November 4, 2018

“Lord, Your ways aren’t always our ways. It sounds so simple, but I so often need help in letting those words sink in… Rather than blame God when things go wrong as is so easy to do, I need to remember He is always right there beside me as I crawl through the fires of life’s challenges.”

Greetings from Cedar Falls,

I wanted to take some time to provide an update regarding the past few weeks of my journey…  As I shared earlier, I was scheduled for surgery back in mid October to deal with some issues that have been troubling me for sometime resulting from my original treatments for cancer. The surgery was successful in helping correct the problems and I’m very thankful for a skilled surgeon who is a caring and supportive person. The positive news is that the biopsy tissue samples taken tested negative and I’m so very thankful for that! I had a few complications following the surgery, which landed me in the ER a couple of times, but I’m continuing to heal and managing the pain as I recover.

A thought that continued to go through my head before and after the surgery was a comment one of my college coaches always used to ask whenever we were “hurting”… It went like this; “Welter, is it pain or injury? If it’s pain, can you play through it? If it’s injury, let’s get it fixed!” If I were to reply to him after the past few weeks, I’d have to say “coach this was some of both!!” I have had the “Injury” fixed and I’m now focused on playing through the pain. That brings me to this reflection regarding disappointment, pain and suffering, something we all go through at some time in varying degrees with the physical, emotional and spiritual challenges that come our way.

Let me begin with disappointment…

The past few weeks I’ve been thinking back to an experience I had in a conversation in Iowa City with an inmate who was in Iowa City for treatment of terminal liver cancer.  As we both waited for our chemo treatments, I had just had a conversation with a young mother who was sitting beside us who had recently had both legs amputated due to cancer.  She was so very upbeat despite her circumstances and I asked her how that could be… She shared; ”Just look around me, I have three beautiful children, a loving husband and a God who loves and cares for us always.” As I struck up a conversation with the inmate, he shared no one had really ever cared about him. He acknowledged that he had abused his family and friends to help support his drug and alcohol habits, which had gotten him to this point in his life. I shared there really is someone who cares, you just have to open the right book… He responded “I’m not really riding the God train right now.”  His voice was rough, his words raw, harsh and angry. But anger wasn’t what I saw in his eyes. It was disappointment; disappointment with a God he’d felt had let him down. 

It’s easy to blame God when life goes wrong. He can do anything. Stop anything. Change anything. But sometimes He doesn’t. People have free will. The world is full of death and disease and sin. Bad things happen to good people—even good Christian people. 

I’ll be honest. If I were given the choice, I’d choose to live in a bubble where I’m safe and happy and whole at all times. Too bad that’s not ever been my reality. But maybe it wasn’t supposed to be. God never promised I’d get what I want, that my days would be easy, that just because I chose to follow Him I wouldn’t suffer, or that He’d let me skip the bad parts of life. And that’s where disappointment comes in; hitting the hardest when I confuse what I think God owes me with what He actually told me. He said I should give thanks. “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you.”

Given the past few weeks, I haven’t had as much time to read as much as I would have liked. Reading usually helps bring me peace during challenging times. The day following my surgery, Fr. Richard Rohr  (Daily Meditations for Action and Contemplation) had some wonderful and timely thoughts that I felt were written specifically for me and have helped me process my situation over the past few weeks.

He shared that people who have suffered in some way can usually understand and relate to others who are experiencing similar struggles...They have the space and the capacity for compassion and understanding for others who may be struggling. Deep understanding and compassion are formed much more by shared pain than by shared pleasure. I’ve felt that understanding and compassion from many of you over the past number of years, and in particular the past few weeks while being surrounded with your prayers.  What a blessing to experience that “Home Team” support as those life challenges have come my way.

Fr. Rohr focused his remarks on Luke 22:31-32. 

Jesus told Peter, “You must be ground like wheat, and once you have recovered, then you can turn and help the brothers”. 
Peter, like all of us, did not realize that pain and suffering can have power over us only when our faith fails. Jesus prays for us and waits to restore us so that we can learn from our suffering and pain so that in turn we can use those experiences to strengthen others who may be facing similar situations. Christ continues to intercede for us, always!

Exactly how I’ve felt the past few weeks! I can relate to the visual of being “ground like wheat”. Those ER visits certainly brought that to mind. 

Fr. Rohr goes on to write:

“The cross, rightly understood, always reveals various kinds of
resurrection. It’s as if God were holding up the crucifixion as a cosmic object lesson, saying: “I know this is what you’re experiencing. Don’t run from it. Learn from it, as I did. Hang there for a while, as I did. It will be your teacher. Rather than losing life, you will be gaining a larger life. It is the way through.”

When I can see and accept my suffering as a common participation with Jesus, and literally all of humanity, I find peace feeling “whole in Him” while learning from each experience in my life and in turn reflecting it toward others. I fully admit this is often hard to do when we are still in the midst of our suffering, and we just want to be delivered from it. God’s peace in the middle of my trials these past few weeks have helped me keep my sanity!  I’m hoping and praying I can keep my focus on Him as I deal with whatever the future holds for me. 

I’ll close this reflection with some wisdom from author James Finley that rings true to me as I continue my life’s journey.  He writes:

“Although it is true that there is no refuge from suffering; it’s also true that suffering has no refuge from love that permeates it through and through and through and through and through. Love protects us from nothing, even as it unexplainably sustains us in all things. God’s love protects us from nothing, and sustains us in everything.” — James Finley

Knowing that God’s love is sustaining and guiding us in unexplainable ways can bring us peace in the midst of any challenge we may face, just as it did for the young mother in Iowa City in the midst of her painful trials. My most recent experience has helped remind me of the verse “Lord, Your ways aren’t always our ways.” It sounds so simple, but I so often need help in letting those words sink in… Rather than blame God when things go wrong as is so easy to do, I need to remember He is always right there beside me as I crawl through the fires of life’s challenges. May each of you experience that peace as you face any of life’s disappointments, suffering and pain that may come your way.

Blessings your way!

Dave

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